the bow of heaven is just right these days.... (found this old topic... appropriate here)
A real time odyssey into iggy's world circa 1970ish.

The Iguana Chronicles

part 7.2 - Double Danger - NYC Academy of Music 12/31/1973

Light up some incense ya'll.... cuz this is the hippie review you've all been waiting for.... can you say.... double album? i knew you could.

IGGY AND KISS ARE GOING TO BEAT UP LED ZEPPELIN!
IGGY AND KISS ARE GOING TO BEAT UP LED ZEPPELIN! That's what should be going through your head right now.... that's my neener neener neener to the rock critics of the world... cuz nobody! and i mean NOBODY! Not lester 'romilar' bangs, not lenny 'meff' kaye, not patty 'i wuv the trees' smith, not
that stinking asshole bob 'white power's half indian bitch' matheu, not dogshit eatin' christgau.... and especially not fucking jann 'pussy yuppie' wenner, could ever put KISS and iggy beatin' up led zeppelin into a single sentence. They are more concerned with this album has a series of tunes by the igster that in critical parlance are actually the spinoffs of bob wills sucking john lee hooker's dick.

So.... iggy is rockin' hard.... cuz he has just cut a deal with the boys from KISS... all he has to do... is slip them a couple groupies for the trip... and after this new year's eve show.... they'll all fly across the atlantic to BEAT THE LIVING SNOT OUTTA LED ZEPPELIN. Iggy has been gettin' syph from jimmy page's groupie pool..... and HE'S PISSED OFF AS ALL FUCK! Here's what happened to save your asses a bunch of worry and wonder and listening to me blabber while the drugs take effect. They do it... they fly across the channel.... BAP! robert plant get's knocked out with one shot from gene simmon's tongue.... peter criss and paul stanley take on bonham.... he puts up a fight.... but they got INTERSTELLAR FUCKIN' POWERS.... and he's had a few too many boilermakers..... one shot to the chest and then they sit on him and fart for like FIFTEEN FUCKING MINUTES.... john paul jones and paul stanley square off.... screaming bitch epithets at each other until paul gets pissed off and sticks his sparkler up jp's butt.... then he cops a tude and walks out on the whole deal ... sparkler flaring... jp thinking... man... they said they were bringin' some coke-caine... and the main event.

Iggy and Jimmy Page.... Jimmy's all quakin' in his snakeskin boots.... goin.... i promise igster... i'll use a condom next time.... i promise.... pleazzze don't beat me up..... iggy smiles.... straps the tubing around his arm.... shoots up the blue velvet laced Nixon and with the tubing still strapped about his arm loosely... starts swinging on page's head..... page ducks... bobs, weaves... and hides behind the fart reekin' bonham and kiss's version of the muscle shoals rhythm session giggling and passing a joint back and forth as they continue to flatulate all over the unconscious bonham. Iggy sees him hidin' (I SAW YA) and pulls his panties uptight.... cruises for a bruisin... only not his.... and while jimmy page tries to load his bow into the double string guitar to shoot at iggy.... iggy kicks a high flyin' field goal kick to his face smashing his pretty face (until the nights plastic surgery at londonderry hospital) to all hell.

Now.... i bet you want to know about the album.... I'm not going to tell you.... I'm just going to give you the list of songs they played... they... being the stooges. 1. Raw Power, 2. Rich Bitch, 3. Wet My Bed, 4. I Got Nothing, 5. Cock in my pocket, 6. Search & Destroy, 7. Gimme Danger, 8. Heavy Liquid.

The two cd's in this album (here starts my rant about cd's and lp's not being synonymous with album but merely the medium upon which albums are recorded) Ok.... now if someone told you... they just got led zeppelin's new album on 8 track....
would they be using imprecise language? i'd say not.... If they'd said I just got their new RECORD on 8-track... that would be a grammatical error.... but album is a term that goes back to the 78-rpm days... when a series of 78-rpm records would be in a package called an album... like a photo album.... the entire musical piece including liner notes and enclosed booklets was an album.... In the seventies... the album rock format took over... and the stupid fucking dj's (can you say guys named chuck that nobody could shut up in class ended up becoming djs so the psychic manipulating teachers could get them to drop out halfway through school) started thinking album's were lp's. I have a number of albums on cd... i also have albums on cassette... albums on lp... and even a couple of albums in mp3 format (plug for mike watt's fantastic 'corndogs.org' site of minutemen and mike watt stuff)...

ok... that said... this double-cd album (guys like mitch miller and dj's loaded up on coke started calling double-lp albums double-albums cuz they couldn't manage 3 term linguistic elements) is one of the best pieces that i ever listened to while huffing incense.

BEAT THAT YOU GODDAMN PUSSY ASS FUTURE ROCK CRITICS.

setting the standard in literature AND rock criticism for 5 years running!

Kevin Anderson


end rant 7.2. part 8? Kill City and how iggy's dreams were fulfilled and he went back to load up on scopolamine at the feeb factory.